http://jesuswelfare.com crazy shit straight from hell Mon, 31 Aug 2009 18:58:47 +0000 http://backend.userland.com/rss092 en Ok, now this Dupree fellow really knows how to put Satan back in his shithole! I applaud men of the cloth that aren't afraid to call hothead Satan on the carpet. Just because I get all the virgins and ladies like the one below dosen't give him the right to take ... http://jesuswelfare.com/what-is-up-satans-ass/ Satan gets all of the good shows and that makes me mad! I already broke a few of my dad'd commandments while watching this, like the one about taking my name in vain and wanting to kill someone. Why can't those religious bozos who ride on my coattails put together ... http://jesuswelfare.com/hail-satan-show/ I guess it's my turn in the confessional booth today. I admit it. I am very jealous of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. He really has an advantage over the rest of us messiahs because he is not only a supreme being [beat my dad in air hockey on a number ... http://jesuswelfare.com/ok-i-admit-it-i-am-jealous-of-the-fsm/ Hello, flock! Today, in Jesus' Carpentry Corner, we will be making a bearable cross! I was very disapointed with the Jews for nailing me to that substandard cross. It had almost no amenities and was cheaply and hastily constructed, without concern for either comfort or aesthetics. I even got a ... http://jesuswelfare.com/jesus-carpentry-corner-a-bearable-cross/ Now, this is the kind of preaching I like. Not that lame-ass Bible stuff where they leave out all of that cussing and swearing my Dad does all the time. Also, the Bible skips over all of the good stuff, like when Moses took a leak in the Red Sea ... http://jesuswelfare.com/alexyss-k-tyler-and-penis-power/ This lady can't sing. Get off the mountain before I come up there and kick you down! Dear flock, this is why my Dad invented drugs. That was even before the first day, before he started laying down heaven and Earth and all that wild shit! This is MY season, followers. So ... http://jesuswelfare.com/merna-sings-out-of-her-ass/ Yes, I'm not ashamed to say it, because of all of the good things my dad made like cougars and cookie dough ice cream, but he goofed up big time when it came to sexually transmitted diseases. Why did he make so many ways to get STDs? There should be ... http://jesuswelfare.com/god-fucked-up-again/ Betty Bowers delivers a Casio-Techno song based on God's everlasting love and punishment for you. http://jesuswelfare.com/youre-going-straight-to-hell-karaoke-dance-remix/ Hello. As you know I am Jesus and I am on welfare. After adding the Sexual Abuse Payout counter on my website, It struck me that all of those untold billions of dollars could be going to buying me a new car. The Saleen S7 Twin Turbo is the most ... http://jesuswelfare.com/why-cant-i-have-this-car-goddammit/ Ok, great! Now this Flying Spaghetti Monster, supposed creator of the universe, has kidnapped my dad, God, and is holding him for some blackmail against me. Hey, Spaghetti Monster, I am on welfare and don't have a can of cream corn to my name. WTF? What do you want from ... http://jesuswelfare.com/dad-has-been-kidnapped-fsm-blackmails-me/